why ? :(

sad sad and sad , that's all the word that i know now , i'm losing everything , my life , my carier n whtever , i'm totally depressed , :( . haiyoo , idk what to do right now , everyday i feel like i want to cry , no one know how i feel , i might smile n laugh , but that's all fake , i just don't want ppl around me know that i'm totally sad , n i just don't want them to worry bout me , everyday , i had to face a lot of problem , i just can't get rid of it , i'm tired of it , totally fed-up , ! . i wish that everything is okay , but its not , i can't smile anymore , i don't really want to go to school , i don't have any mood to sit another minute in school , but i can't , because i'm gonna miss my bestie n my fwen , so now , i'm only gonna be profesional in my work and responsibility , lately , i feel that i don't really want to talk to everybody , idk why  , i prefer to be alone right now , this is so-not-me , don't get me wrong , i've got wonderful friends , n i love them , but now , i just need to be left alone , i'm totally sick , i don't know when i will recover , i don't think i will recover because i'm so hurts , my heart totally hurt , me myself don't know how to make my heart feel better , ppl can't help me , because i'm also can't help it , in my mind there's a lot of question n i can't find the answer either one of the question , i can't even play piano , because when i played it , i'm going to cry , n i hate to cry , .  i hope tomorrow gonna be better than today , .